This post is rated R for language.
I have some things to say to some people
To the Facebook Dude
No, you do not get to call me elitist because I have a vocabulary that rocks. I earned that prolific phraseology. I’ve seen what food stamps look like. I worked my ass through a cheap state college and I put my second hand salvation army-ed pants on one leg at a time. Just like everyone else. I’m right here in the trenches, up to my elbows in oil 25 hours a week. So, no. Just no.
Also, I don’t think myself superior. While I could always use a lesson in humility, our exchange was not an indication of such. If you took a damn second to look at the history of this here bitch you’re insulting, you would see that I apologize like a grown up whenever I find I’m wrong. I invite readers to call me out on my bullshit, and for the past three years they’ve been doing just that. And I’m a better person for it. I’m as humble as they come. (<–that right there is humor. Chill the fuck out.)
Example: A few years ago I had a knock-down drag out discussion with a colleague that left me bitter, raw, hurt and pissed off. It was not a good parting. I still think that about 50% of what I said was right. No doubt he disagrees with that. But you know what we did the moment we saw each other at the next event a year later? It went like this: I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around. Arms opened. We hugged. Before any damn words were spoken, we made up. Because that’s how adults behave when they want to do and be better. I’m sure someday he & I will find ourselves on the same side of some big massage profession issues. Because, “The ties that bind us are so much stronger than the opinions that divide us within this field.” Yeah, that’s right, I said that. I’m quoting myself. Deal.
PS- You were right about one thing, I do like to have the last word. Good thing I have a handful of blogs to publish my elitist shit, huh?
To the Non-Science-y People
Stop overreacting and making yourselves look like defensive morons. You’re not morons. I know you’re not. But this extremist attitude that massage therapists who appreciate research and encourage an evidence-informed practice are over-intellectual snobby assholes is more about the chip on you shoulder than anything else. Know how to ditch that chip? Learn something. I practically had to bang my college professor to get a passing grade in the sciences* and even I can handle working through an online Basics of Research Literacy course. So can you. (I will not link to it here because they deserve better than to be tied to this shitbag post, google it. $59, 6 CE Hours! Yay!) Think the science-y people are assholes? Fine. Learn their language, make a decent argument and then tell them so. But I bet once you learn the language, and know the people, you probably won’t think they are (all) assholes anymore. You might still disagree with them. Fine. But your karma will be in better shape.
To the Super Science-y People
Calm the fuck down. (<–yes, I see the irony here). Sometimes you’re scathing and mean and make the already frightened, intimidated people even less likely to try to learn. I know the really extreme wind-chimes huggers come off as defensive morons sometimes. But most aren’t. Rome was not built in a spaghettimonsterdamn day. (<–see what I did there? Ha!) It took a really long time for the general public to accept that the world isn’t flat and epilepsy isn’t a result of demon invasion of the brain. It’s going to take a long time to teach the teachers who are still hung up on the old myths and to educate legions of therapists about evidence-informed practice. The bulk of massage therapists are passionate about helping people. They believe strongly about the methods they use. They are kind, compassionate people. It’s just going to take time. Some will never, ever come around to your point of view. Be nicer anyways. I’m a pretty confident chic and y’all still scare the crap outta me sometimes. That’s saying something.
To me (I don’t live with a cat anymore, so I have to talk to myself)
Oh, Allissa. It’s cute that you used to think the massage world was an all-the-time happy place. But Greg was right when he said, “Sometimes massage therapists are not very nice people.” You’ve learned that there are so many competing organizations, with so many different ideas of what’s right and wrong and good and bad for the profession, it’s a shit show. Maybe remember that most of us are just keeping our heads down and seeing our clients and stick to helping them directly. Focus on that. Also, stop swearing so much and eat more vegetables.
To everyone (if you made it this far)
I like Anatomy in Motion. I’ve liked the app since it came out a few years ago. I use it often in my practice. I like the Facebook page, because it has pretty pictures and interesting information. I now consider Melissa, the co-creator, a friend. And she’s built quite a following in a very short time, because the information is interesting and beautiful.
Every day Melissa gets complaints that the posts are too science-based. Every day Melissa gets complaints that the posts are not science-based enough. I personally have watched science-y people get all pissy, declare they will never look at the page again and then continue to bash the page, and Melissa, in a rather uncouth way, in their personal profiles. (Ditto for the unscience-y peeps.) And you know what? Melissa has the class to rise above it, and still link to some of the various asshats’ writings and work. Because it’s good stuff. Because she loves the profession and wants the best for it, more than she dislikes the sometimes shitty, classless attitudes of the writers. Because she gets that you catch more flies with honey. And no, it’s not because the Facebook page sells a zillion apps and she makes a ton of money. That page has 95-thousand-ish likes, and a very, very small percentage of them have purchased the app. It is a labor of love.
You know who you are. Stop being dicks, please.
Go like the page. (Or not, whatever.) When she posts something you think is awesome, share it! Other people will probably think it’s awesome. When you see something you hate, ignore it. Or maybe ask a few questions, in a kind manner, so you can understand better the people who do like it. That’s it. Consider. Be nice. Move on.
An Alternate Plan would be to decide I’m the biggest asshole here and unite to destroy me. At least you’ll be working together.
*This is not true. I got a C, but I had a crush on the professor, so I probably woulda.
The backstory that kinda doesn’t matter anymore -or- The Epilogue that probably shoulda been a Prologue -or- the part Kat said I should ditch and she’s probably right
Last year I wrote a guest post for Massamio’s blog. I’m pretty sure the topic wasn’t my idea, and I even remember resisting it. But Ben insisted, so I did it. That’s how “3 Massage Myths You Should Stop Repeating ” came about. I tried really hard to be rational and cite good resources (I’m not a science writer, people) and still be fun and not oh-god-so-boring-I-can’t-read-this like I find lots of science-y articles to be.
A bunch of people read it. Some agreed, some didn’t. Melissa of Anatomy in Motion made a cool graphic, linked to the piece and posted on her Facebook page. Comments ensued. Some positive, some negative. That’s cool, she had like 70,000 followers at the time. That’s a whole lotta opinions, and of course some people will think my writing is that of an asshat. No biggie.
Melissa posted it again the other day. Again, comments ensued, both on the blog proper, and in the Facebook thread.
I read them. (I don’t know that I actually read them all the first time she posted it. That may have been wise.) I’m cool with comments saying I’m not science-y enough. I’m cool with comments saying I’m too science-y and have no faith in The Universe, etc.
But this happened:
Facebook Dude: Bad post!
Me: I love feedback, but this doesn’t really help. Care to be more prolific with your thoughts?
Facebook Dude: No, you don’t love feedback. It’s obvious that you don’t and berating to the Massage profession. It comes as no surprise though, being squeezed through the gnashed teeth of an elitist vocabulary. The post was insensitive and degrading in its content and tone. The level of Therapist and Instructor bashing is appalling. The Universe doesn’t work according to paid research and studies. It works on its own paradigm. Don’t bother banishing me from your site for I am banishing you from mine and deleting all shares. I’m sure you won’t risk too much exposure and will delete this post too!
<<At this point another reader who didn’t like my tone gave some really thoughtful feedback. I heart her.>>
Me: Wow, guys. This IS good feedback and I do truly appreciate it. I tend to write in an…enthusiastic way. It is certainly not for everyone. And this was a guest post for another site. Typically I cover much different topics. So I appreciate hearing that my regular style may not have been the most effective approach to this particular topic. I wholeheartedly apologize for coming off as degrading. Yes, part of me thinks you may have taken the piece too personally, but I sincerely appreciate how you’ve expressed that, and it WILL guide me should I cover this kind of topic again.
Then I reached out to Facebook Dude privately. I repeated that message, I expanded upon it. I thanked him for his passion, and I assured him that I would take this lesson with me.
I did this not because I’m particularly classy, but because I really hate when my style alienates someone, especially on a guest blog. Especially when it’s an important issue. Also, I have ‘I Want Everyone to Like Me Like Monica From Friends’ Syndrome.
His response was not friendly.
I tried again. I apologized more clearly. I expressed how much community matters to me.
His response was even less friendly. Actually, it was rude, insulting, and ended with “Here’s some constuctive [sic] criticism free of charge, learn some humility before you spew your crap out into the world!”
Then he told me to not contact him again.
I guess sometimes massage therapists are not very nice people.