Holiday Party? It’s Not Too Late!

I’ve made it my goal to host a monthly event at my office. It’s good for the community, it’s a pretty solid marketing effort, and it keeps me out of trouble. 

In November I hosted a holiday shopping themed event. I offered free hand scrub/hand massage treatments…and I made four dozen sugar cookies and over $300 in sales! (This number may sound paltry to those of you operating out of a large, multi-service-provider business, but for this lone wolf it was a big deal.)

Most importantly, I got to spend time with people who mean a lot to me and it was fun

I managed to fit a treatment area, retail display and cookie station in my little hobbit hole of an office. Yay!

I managed to fit a treatment area, retail display and cookie station into my little hobbit hole of an office. Yay!

Here are some tips I’ve collected regarding successful office events:

  • Spend your event budget wisely. Events can be cookies and laughs. It doesn’t make sense to spend more money on hosting an event each month than what the event brings in.
  • Invest in visually interesting games, food, products for sale, decorations, etc. You can Instagram the hell out of these things!
  • Push yourself to come up with event ideas that match up well with your existing clients’ expectations. Will they respond best to a monthly event that’s pretty much the same each time, or an off-the-wall themed event that’s different each month? Somewhere in my idea queue there’s a Pajama Cereal Party that’s just waiting to become reality!
  • Post the event on your website and in your newsletter, flyer local businesses and bulletin boards, make a Facebook event and invite people to it, etc. Remind people about the event using these tools, too. 
  • Remember that an event isn’t a failure if you don’t sell anything during the actual shindig. People who enjoyed your event will likely purchase things and schedule services at a later date. 
  • If the idea of hosting events sounds like a dreaded chore, find a way to do it on your terms and make it fun. If you can’t do this, don’t host an event. 

I already have my Annual Holiday Brie Feast planned for December 14th! If you’ll be in Vegas then, stop by and let me fill your belly in a manner not unlike that of a Sicilian grandma. 

Popping The Bubble

Cliques. Tribes. The Matrix, even.

If we gaze at the masses long enough we realize it’s a ubiquitous scenario: People doing things, building things and marketing things while being surrounded by their own people. Bubble People. 

Bubble People are a fine people. Most of them are very nice and we have things in common with them. This is exactly why we spend so much time interacting with Bubble People. Bubble People got our backs. 

But what happens when we want to do, build or market something that could benefit from (or depend on) connecting with people from beyond The Bubble? Should we remain safely surrounded by Bubble People in a spherically-shaped fortress that cannot expand without breaking? Or do we deliberately destroy this bubbly barrier, leaving ourselves vulnerable, opening ourselves up to outside influence, ideas and opinions?

We must decide, because we cannot do both. 

Bubble People are typically easy. They don’t care that we haven’t showered or put pants on by 4 PM on a Wednesday. “Go for it!”, they cheer. “Best idea ever! Keep doing what you’re doing! Don’t ever change it! It’s perfect!”

You’re perfect.

But maybe — just maybe — perfect is something we were never meant to be. 

A bubble for your thoughts?

Practice Promoting Parties

The other evening I hosted a Halloween gathering at my office so I could roll out my new product line while having fun with friends (both new and old). I supplied yummy treats from Target and Costco, handed out those ridiculous plastic vampire teeth that glow in the dark, and offered free mini facials using products from the new line. Oh, and I brought my theremin for everyone to play with! Here’s a video…

The Halloween event went so well I’m thinking I’ll host a monthly themed fun thing. Next month’s shindig will probably feature free hand massages using the line’s hand cream. Attendees will be able to choose their scent from a variety of testers, and tubes will be available for purchase. If I’m feeling super adventurous I may even supply warm paraffin wax, plastic gloves, and doughnuts. 

I’ve hosted office events in the past and I’m always amazed by how well they turn out. For the first 30 minutes I worry that I’ve bought way too much food and that nobody will show up to eat it, but 30 minutes after that guests show up in droves and the party is in full swing!

Aside from the obvious fun to be had, here are some other things I like about hosting a party at the office that’s open to the public. Many of my fabulous guests have:

  • met other guests (laughter and networking ensue)
  • asked questions about services and products
  • purchased retail items and gift certificates
  • booked appointments
  • tried new things without feeling obligated (mini facials!)
  • given valuable feedback on products, services and party ideas
  • checked in and posted about the party on social media
  • explored the office and building, sometimes for the first time
  • signed up to receive a monthly email newsletter
  • told their friends how much fun they had at the silly little spa in that silly old building

Have you ever hosted an office party? What was the occasion? What worked best? What would you change the next time (if there is a next time)?

Massage Gadget Boneyard

We all have them: The vestiges of ideas we’ve had, equipment we’ve invested in, or the things we should be using right now but — oh wait! There’s something shiny and new and what was I doing again?

Yeah, that. 

I should be writing this from my iJoy massaging recliner upstairs, but instead I’m in my living room, lounging in a non-electrified chair, watching some nice ladies peddle leather handbags on HSN. I managed to extract myself from the velour-covered cushions long enough to dig through my closet, locating 78% of the massage stuff currently gathering dust in my abode. 

The Sharper Image neck massager, foot massagers, and Conair vibrating massage wand thingy

The Sharper Image neck massager, foot massager, and Conair vibrating massage wand thingy

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Here we’ve got some wooden trigger point tools, a wooden foot massager that my sister gave me for Christmas years ago, and a Panasonic rolling massager wand, all nestled in this bubbling foot spa!

But wait! There’s more!

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facial steamer

And finally, the piece de resistance from my archaeological excavation…

A partially-disassembled electric massage table!

A partially-disassembled electric massage table!

What the hell am I doing over here? And why did I just order a personal TENS unit from Amazon last night?

Tell me I’m not alone in this. Which massage goodies have you been collecting over the years? And (if you’re at liberty to share) how do they fit into your plan for world domination? 

Dropping The Banhammer

 

Bob* was in his 60s. Southern accent. Tall and not a slight dude (from what I could ascertain upon our face-to-face meeting, as he was fully clothed).

Bob sat down in the reception area of my office, grasping the clipboarded intake form but not yet filling it out. His words came at me in rapid-fire progression.

“Now I get massages every week back home. Can I just use a towel to cover my midsection?” (I use bath towels instead of flat top sheets anyway, but the asking of this question raised a bright orange flag…or maybe it was pink. Fuchsia? Anyway, internal eye roll. Resume transmission.)

“OK, I booked a ninety minute service today, but I need at least thirty minutes of massage on my lower abdomen.”

 

SCCCRRRRREEEEEEEEEEECHHHH.

 

“I’m sorry Bob. I don’t do abdominal massage here.”

“Why not?! It’s the only way I can relax.”

“It’s my policy, no exceptions. I totally understand if you want to go elsewhere.” I ready myself to rise from my desk and escort him out of my office, but this guy is persistent. (Please forgive the bombardment of non sequiturs I’m about to lob your way, but this was my life last week.)

“I’ve been so stressed at work. I run six companies.” He pulls out his phone, points the screen in my direction and starts scrolling through photos of what I’m to assume are his crew and their work trucks.

“I got divorced in the ‘90s but I’ve been with my girlfriend for years. I’m leaving my business to her when I die.”

“I’m telling you this stuff so you’ll know some things about me.”

“I have two phones.”

“You really won’t do abdominal massage? How long have you been doing this?”

“You really won’t do abdominal massage? I don’t know what kind of massage you think I’m looking for.”

“You really won’t do abdominal massage? But I want to come in tomorrow and the next day too.”

“If you don’t do abdominal massage, what do you do?”

“When I was a little boy my mother would give me abdominal massages. It was the only way I could fall asleep.” (Mommy! An unexpected twist!)

“I’ll make it worth your time.”

“I’ll tip you really well.”

“One hundred dollars.”

“One time I was working with my crew in the woods and we got infested with ticks. I had to shave off all of my pubic hair but I didn’t realize I had to keep shaving it.” (This marked the turning point for me. Parasitic infections of the groin are not my area of expertise, and for good reason.)

“Bob, yeah, I’m not going to be able to help you.” I got up, keeping an eye on him, and made my way to the door. Still facing him I turned the knob and held the door ajar so he could exit. He did, but not before handing me his business card.

“In case you change your mind.”

“Bob, that’s not going to happen.”

Then I noticed that he had cleverly left his phone on my desk, so I exclaimed “Oh! Here’s your phone!” The last thing I needed was more alone time, here, with him.

I came to realize, partway through the convo, that Bob had called me several weeks prior from a different number (two phones!). During that phone call he wanted me to work “overtime” for “a really good tip” of “one hundred dollars” “if [my] husband didn’t mind”. Unfortunately for Bob, I was “booked”.

Adding to the absurdity was this: His persistence was completely unnecessary. In Vegas (as is true in many cities), you have so many happy ending options at your disposal you can’t throw a dead cat without hitting a rub and tug or rash for cash. I mean, Craigslist will bring the lower abdominal massage to you at no extra charge! (The explanation I’m going with is that some folks find my combination of profuse anxiety sweating and groundbreaking bathroom humor utterly irresistible.)

As a rejected Bob walked out the door and down the hall, I was prouder of myself than I had been in a really long time. Like a lot of massage therapists (or humans, even), in the past I’ve worked on people I should’ve fired five minutes into meeting them. Messed-up, battle-scarred people looking for a metaphorical punching bag. People who just make you feel shitty.

And I’m over it.

Call Mommy and have her pick you up.

End transmission.

 

*Not his real name.

Songs for Weird Massage Therapists

As a Spotify user, the playlist feature comes in pretty handy.

By “handy”, I mean I’ve actually put together a collection of songs having to do with touching, rubbing, or those silly things found at the distal ends of our forearms.

Although several of these tracks were originally meant to be filtered through the speakers of our sex-crazed society where sensuality is inextricably linked to ejaculatory pursuits, please take a moment to push all boning references aside. Listen to these songs purely from the perspective of a massage therapist, and I promise you’ll be tickled. 

In case you aren’t able to access Spotify, here’s a list of the tracks currently included on Songs for Weird Massage Therapists. If you can think of more that might be a good fit, please list them in the comments section below this post. (And to those of you who helped with the initial lineup, thanks!)

1. I Want Your (Hands On Me) – Sinead O’Connor

2. Both Hands – Ani DiFranco

3. Too Much Time On My Hands – Styx

4. Slow Hands – Interpol

5. Clap Hands – Tom Waits

6. Destroy Everything You Touch – Ladytron

7. Invisible Touch – Genesis

8. Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’ – Journey

9. Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me – Susan Sarandon (Rocky Horror Soundtrack)

10. Touch Me – The Doors

11. Human Touch – Bruce Springsteen

12. Touch Me (I Want Your Body) – Samantha Fox

13. Your hands on my skin – De/Vision (I am in love with this song, BTW.)

14. I Believe In A Thing Called Love – The Darkness

15. Healing Hands – Elton John

16. Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) – Done Again (Joan Jett & The Blackhearts cover)

17. Grab It – L’Trimm

18. Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond

19. Reach Out And Touch (Somebody’s Hand) – Diana Ross

20. Skin – Zola Jesus

21. Hands Off – Old 97’s

22. Body Party – Ciara

23. Icicle – Tori Amos

24. Sometimes When We Touch – Manny Pacquiao (whaaaaat!?!), Dan Hill

25. Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey – Paul & Linda McCartney

26. Real is a Feeling – Pictureplane

27. I Wanna Hold Your Hand – Fab Again (Beatles cover)

28. I Touch Myself – Divinyls