Facebook Burnout and the Need for Feed

Facebook my dear, I have so many wonderful things to thank you for. You’ve allowed me to get to know and become actual real-life friends with people who live across the continent, across town, and in my backyard. You’ve introduced me to a passionate community of evidence-based massage therapists, sassy bloggers, inspirational creatives, and empathetic virtual friends who are prompt with a kind word of encouragement when I’m feeling venty and clawing at the edges of insanity.

Remember that time you told me about the Depeche Mode tribute band that was playing at Voodoo Lounge? They were sooooo goooood! Or when you clued me in to the free performances of Teller’s ‘Play Dead’ at the Rio? I mean, that guy ate a damn light bulb on stage. A light bulb!

Darling Facebook, you make crowdfunding possible, and oftentimes vastly successful! You are a wandering searcher’s muse and a coupon code addict’s wet dream. Your messaging capabilities make it easy to contact peeps in a jiffy, and Facebook events are the ultimate in convenience (assuming all desired attendees are suckling at your networky teat). I can inflict my instagrams on both you and Twitter simultaneously with minimal effort. Foursquare check-ins, too! (Or Swarm, or whatever they’re calling it today. To my shame, I’m still firmly entrenched in fiscal first quarter 2014.)

Sweet social network of choice, you’ve been great – you really have – but as is the sad case so often in this life, all good things must come to unfriend.




Now before you go all weepy on me, let me explain: it’s not you, it’s me. I’ve got an intensely obsessive personality, and your constant barrage of information overload has led me to develop the unhealthy habit of spending countless hours idly trolling your feed, for, geez, I don’t even know what. Distraction, I suppose.

The free magic shows and Dave Gahan-esque dance moves have gotten lost in a sea of the mundane, speckled with rare buoys of profundity. I sincerely appreciate the thoughts, the emotions – the people – behind these blips, but I’m just no longer cut out to be one of the lovelies manning the radar. Life beckons, and pressing tasks call.

Facebook, if it’s alright with you, I won’t deactivate you at this point in time. I’d like to continue to be tagged in posts and photos if need be, messaged when my input or assistance is required, and invited to join fun events that are of interest to me. I will continue to participate in a few choice Facebook groups, and will continue to maintain my business pages. I hope you won’t take offense when I share this blog post on my wall. I really hope you won’t brand me an ungrateful twat when I confess I just installed News Feed Eradicator on my laptop, and that I’ve unfollowed essentially everyone on my mobile app, save George Takei.

What’s that, you irresistible blue and white dealer of human commodification? Oh no, I’m not trading you in for Snapchat or the next Twitter, if that’s what you’re afraid of. You can rest assured I’m reassessing virtual boundaries across the board: instead of being overcome by the onslaught of curated life snippets y’all hurl at the masses on a moment-by-moment basis, I’ll be out there embracing my own corporeal experiences like a mofo, external validation be damned.



4 thoughts on “Facebook Burnout and the Need for Feed

  1. Umm. I am conflicted. I went to “Like” this, using the Facebook Like Button on the bottom of the blog. I hovered for a milisecond. Then thought, naw, just comment… then I see ya gotta sign-in to comment. ah, yes, there are options. Again A half-hesitation I clicked the Log in w facebook icon … hey, it’s easy… besides, I was already closing my computer down, half dozed head-bob, almost droolin’ when I saw your facebook post about the hypocrite… I groggily forced myself to read it, Because I’m always am interested in what you might spew in words. Yet, still debating if I am actually awake, and replying, or merely dreaming… I was in a sleep walk most of my day, and to even turn on computer was a debate, But alas the reward! I stay awake long enough to see a post that is multi-faceted in confusion. In other worrds I LOVE It! Unless this is all a dream, but Either way, Facebook managed to both share your post, and keep me online another ten minutes longer…

    • And this, Jon Miller, is why we’re friends. :)

      I’m still around, and I’ll probably still share stuff and post things on my wall in moderation…I just can’t afford to get sucked into the virtual randomness of the feed anymore. I’ve noticed that a handful of friends who used to use Facebook daily have recently removed themselves from it entirely. Can’t say I blame them, and it makes me feel better to see I’m not alone in this.

      Now get back to Snapchat! 😉

  2. It’s definitely a tough decision to make – I also run a massage business (school and clinic) and the social media thing drains a lot of time but it is so valuable from a business perspective (and so amazingly distracting from a personal one). Good on you for stepping back.

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