Massage Gadget Boneyard

We all have them: The vestiges of ideas we’ve had, equipment we’ve invested in, or the things we should be using right now but — oh wait! There’s something shiny and new and what was I doing again?

Yeah, that. 

I should be writing this from my iJoy massaging recliner upstairs, but instead I’m in my living room, lounging in a non-electrified chair, watching some nice ladies peddle leather handbags on HSN. I managed to extract myself from the velour-covered cushions long enough to dig through my closet, locating 78% of the massage stuff currently gathering dust in my abode. 

The Sharper Image neck massager, foot massagers, and Conair vibrating massage wand thingy

The Sharper Image neck massager, foot massager, and Conair vibrating massage wand thingy

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Here we’ve got some wooden trigger point tools, a wooden foot massager that my sister gave me for Christmas years ago, and a Panasonic rolling massager wand, all nestled in this bubbling foot spa!

But wait! There’s more!

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facial steamer

And finally, the piece de resistance from my archaeological excavation…

A partially-disassembled electric massage table!

A partially-disassembled electric massage table!

What the hell am I doing over here? And why did I just order a personal TENS unit from Amazon last night?

Tell me I’m not alone in this. Which massage goodies have you been collecting over the years? And (if you’re at liberty to share) how do they fit into your plan for world domination? 

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